February 26, 2012

Labor for the International Adoptive/Bio Mom

I was surprised and elated to see the following quote from Nancy (she has a fun blog at: http://nancyvnjourney.blogspot.com/), an adoptive parent who also has biological children.  She gave me permission to post this rather eloquent quote about international adoption:

"This is the labor of adoption.
Worry, fear, confusion, stress, and pain.  Coupled with joy, anticipation, longing, and love.
No different from a biological labor in hind-sight? 
I've experienced 4 biological labors, 1 with an epidural, 2 without, (one of those resulted in a 10 lb baby) and 1 with an epidural on only the left side, which let me tell you sista' does not actually constitute an epidural at all in my opinion!  If I'm being honest, biological labor was easier.  Yes, there was more physical pain in child birth, but in international adoption the emotional upheaval lasts longer and can be far more destructive than the pain of child birth. 
Top adoption off with some jet lag, a foreign language, 8,000+ miles, some heavy lifting, and a little traveler's bug and voilĂ !  You have all the makings of an expectant mama whose emotions are swinging faster than 14-year-old teenage girl."

I was surprised to read this from a mother with bio kids because I've heard a few times that adoption is "taking the easy way out."  I assumed because, typically, there's no physical pain for the mom in adoption that what I was feeling couldn't even compare.  The thought of pushing a giant baby out of a tiny hole in your body sounds like a picnic I don't wanna be at, and if I'm really honest, terrifies me.  So, it was pretty validating to read that a lot of the "pain" I've been through in my "labor" of adoption was just that - pain.  Definitely a blessing, but definitely not easy. When I emailed her she mentioned adding on: special needs, your child initially doesn't like you, cultural differences, and the pressures of having a mixed-race family.  So true, so true.  Thanks Nancy. Print Friendly and PDF

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