February 15, 2012

Scatter-Brained Mommies Club

Before I had kids, I used to judge moms. I was particularly judgmental of moms that were scatter-brained. I used to volunteer in our church library, and a woman would come in every Sunday with her four young kids. She had more late fees than anyone in the church and I thought – doesn't this bother her? Why can't she just get her act together and find the books on Saturday night? Can't she hang a book bag on the front door where library books are supposed to go when the kids are done with them?

Not to worry, I was quickly initiated into the Scatter-Brained Mommies Club when we adopted our first son. I'm convinced that when you become a mother, part of your brain is sloughed off and comes out of your pores when you sweat. I would have said “comes out your uterus along with your baby,” but like I said, my son was adopted, so I can't use that excuse.

Sometimes I'll need to correct my children or answer their questions quickly and I stutter out words that don't make sense to anyone.  “I said...don't...I don't...don't question me...because I said so!”  I fear that my kids will eventually believe me to be an idiot and rise up and mutiny against me one day while my husband's at work.

As a member of the Scatter-Brained Mommies Club I forget most everything and require some form of memory-aid. My mother-in-law suggested I write out a to do list. Brilliant idea! Except that as I'm writing my to do list my younger son screams. I run up the stairs to investigate the scene. I take care of the “boo-boo” with feigned consoling and Chewbacca band-aids and head back to my to do list only to find it's not where I left it. 


I set out on a quest to find the missing to do list. As I'm searching, I'm distracted by my older son wanting me to uncoil his slinky. Sometimes I think these are my sole purposes in life – to kiss boo-boos and uncoil slinkys. While I'm uncoiling the slinky, I notice that the carpet is dirty and I need to vacuum it. I go to get the vacuum and pull it out from behind the office door. I notice that I left my coffee sitting, half drunk, on the desk. I pick it up, excited that there is still caffeine in my possession, and head to the microwave to nuke it. I start the microwave and wonder what I was doing. I go to look at my to do list and remember that I lost it, so I begin my quest again. 

I walk up the stairs and notice the bathroom light is on. I reach in to turn it off and notice my to do list on the side of the sink – wet. At least I found it - even though most of the words are now illegible. As I take it back down to the kitchen to re-scribble the words before they are completely gone, I see the vacuum and remember the floor. I lug the vacuum down to the kitchen, even though I'm cleaning the carpet upstairs. This will be an obvious reminder to me to vacuum. 

I recopy my to do list on fresh, dry paper and put it on the refrigerator where I will never lose it. I lug the vacuum back upstairs, and as I'm vacuuming I decide to vacuum the entire house, including under the couch cushions. Hey! That's where that library book went. But crap - now I have to crawl back to the librarian on my hands and knees telling her that I did indeed have the book even though I was very adamant that the book was NOT in my house. Or I could just keep it. Or donate it to Goodwill so I don't feel so guilty about the little white lie. Eventually, I decide I'll swallow my pride and take the stupid book back. Tomorrow. Maybe I'll just slide it in the overnight drawer.

I put the vacuum back and realize I need to start dinner. First, I check on the kids because they've been awfully quiet for such an extended period of time. To my surprise they're both alive and not drinking poison or playing with matches. I smile. I go to the kitchen and get chicken out of the freezer. I forgot to thaw it. It wasn't on my list! I open the microwave to defrost it, only to find my half-drunk cup of coffee. I take the mug in my hand, walk over to my to do list (still on the fridge) and under “buy wart remover” I write “drink coffee,” and then cross it off as I take a cold sip.

someecards.com - Sometimes I write

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  1. I love it!!! Made me laugh out loud, so my life!!! Thanks for sharing:)
    So hoping we are recipients of quick TA's!!

  2. Love the way you describe SBMC! It is sooo true!

  3. Stephanie Sprenger9:05 AM

    Kate, that is perfect. You have completely captured the madness of motherhood. Love the cold coffee bit; I frequently write items on my list only so that I can cross them off immediately. Classic parental procrastinating technique. That was so funny- glad you picked this one for TALU today.

  4. Thanks Stephanie! This was the first piece I wrote where I thought - I think I like writing this stuff. I want to do it more. :-)

  5. Robin Jingjit9:47 AM

    Excellent. It's like you have a hidden camera in here and you're writing about my life or something. Except you vaccuumed...

  6. HAHA! Kate - too awesome, and SO true! I LOVE your posts. You remind me so much of me! You reminded me that my coffee was still in the microwave, I actually paused reading this to go get it! Incidentally - you do remember that library book is in your overnight drawer, right?

  7. Patricia Iles11:41 AM

    LOL...you're third paragraph reminded me what a colossal mistake it was to name both children with names that started with the same consonant. Stuck me every time. "Do...Du...D.... dang it! Come here!" :-) One great tool I learned from my Mom: The Look. No words needed, just master The Look. It ever works on strangers and sometimes adults. The Look.

  8. Kenya Johnson12:11 PM

    That was too funny. I justify my here's and there's and missing coffee by calling it multitasking. You're free to claim the phrase as your own ;-) ~TALU

  9. LOL! Awesome! How timely. Right now, I'm missing a library book that, again, I swear we don't have. I only have one more renewal left to find it. Time crunch.

  10. Yeah, I don't have that in my repertoire yet. I need that. I just have the scream. I have that "Im serious" tone, but no look. I'm gonna work on that.

  11. LOL! That was the last time.

  12. Kristi - Finding Ninee6:05 PM

    I love this! I'm going to start writing "drink coffee" on my list so I can cross it off, too. I'm always forgetting everything and chalk it up to losing a bunch of brain cells the first year of mommy hood when nobody slept. Ever. Thanks for sharing - glad I found your blog! TALU

  13. I love this! I'm going to start writing "drink coffee" on my list so I can cross it off, too. I'm always forgetting everything and chalk it up to losing a bunch of brain cells the first year of mommy hood when nobody slept. Ever. Thanks for sharing - glad I found your blog! TALU


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