June 02, 2013

Did She Steal That Kid?

So my weekend was crazy because Steve took the boys up to Wisconsin to go fishing with his dad and I was left with Autumn. Sometimes I forget how much she and the boys play together, until they’re separated and she wants to play with me all day.

We played and we partied. We ate frozen yogurt and/or gelato three times, Autumn watched three movies, we went out to eat twice, we went to the mall twice in addition to five other stores, and we cleaned all three of our toilets.

We were able to fit all that in because we skipped church. I was planning to go, but then Autumn woke up late (because we were up past midnight partying) and I still hadn’t showered by then and I had to make homemade waffles, so we just couldn’t go.

While we were on our second trip to Target for the weekend, Autumn threw a tantrum. This was the first time I can remember any of my kids throwing a tantrum in a store. I’m sure it’s happened before, but it’s been so long, like five years, that I just can’t remember. Now, my boys just chase each other around our cart until they catch the other and tackle him to the ground, usually within arms-length of an elderly person leaning on a walker.

So you know when your kid is having a tantrum and everybody looks at you wondering if you stole the kid and the poor child is just trying to fight off this psycho serial killer? Well the tantrum situation is taken up a notch when your child looks absolutely nothing like you; I’m Caucasian, Autumn’s Asian.

I thought, How can I get this girl to calm down? People are gonna think I stole her. (I could see them looking at me in my peripheral vision.) I started pulling out the threats. “Do you want me to put back this Hello Kitty toothpaste? Hmm?” and “You want to look at the toys, right? We’re not gonna look at the toys if you keep screaming like that.” She calmed down for a few minutes then we approached another aisle and she began grabbing things off the shelves. I pulled her arms in and she screeched loudly. The threats worked that time.

We went to the toy section. She picked up My Little Pony, “Can we get this?” “No, we’re not buying any toys today.” I said. She picked up a Cinderella doll, “Can we get this?” No, we’re not buying any toys today.” This went on for at least 15 toys in four aisles.

Can I just say something on the side here? I was rather disappointed, albeit not surprised, that I did not find one single Asian baby doll while walking through the aisles. I may have missed a Mulan Princess thrown in for good measure, but if it was there, I never saw it. They had white babies with every color hair, black babies and Latino babies. But no Asian babies. Just sayin’, Target. Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

So after we looked at the dolls we went to the Skylanders section. Skylanders is a video game rated age 10+ for cartoon violence, but my kids are into it. According to Steve, the iPad version is more like SimCity and contains no violence.

I needed to get a gift for Josiah for his adoption day. He wanted this Skylanders portal-thingy or whatever. So I got that while Autumn looked at the figurines for the game and decided she wanted to get one. These adorably violent collectibles cost $10-15 each; they’re like jacked-up Beanie Babies.  She wanted it so she could be like her big brothers. For that, or to play with it in her dollhouse or push it around in her stroller. The one she wanted was a blue and white eagle with a giant machine gun that also acts as a vacuum to suck up all its prey. I said no, of course. Tantrum.

While she threw that tantrum, I remembered I needed to get birthday and Father’s Day cards. Crap. You know how long picking out cards takes.  So granddads and Steve, I apologize that you’ll be getting the first things I grabbed. When you get your Get Well Soon or Happy Anniversary card, consider it a sacrifice for the tantrum I was dealing with. We’ll at least sign them and change the words to fit the occasion.

We made it through the checkout line and out of the store and home, only after a trip to Trader Joe’s, for which she was surprisingly cooperative. The lollipop waiting for her at the register may have had something to do with that. Steve arrived home with the boys and the kids were happy to be back together again, playing and fighting. And all was right in the Hall house.

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  1. mail4rosey4:34 AM

    Kids do make for a busy day, and cards that match the occasion are boring anyway. ;)

  2. Wayne W. Smith6:39 AM

    That sounds like a really busy but ultimately rewarding weekend.

  3. Kerri Ames9:09 AM

    Oh poor you. My stepdad is Asian and he is Allie's favorite person in the world, has been since she was born. But when Allie was first potty-trained he refused to take her out without my mother. He was afraid he would be arrested. Now that he can just stand outside the restroom he will do solo trips. But he is always worried that he looks like a stalker or worse!

  4. Oh yes, I am sure many people have wondered if I'm stealing my children. . . In fact, I'm pretty sure a neighbor knocked on my door the last time my son was screaming, "You're torturing me!" I have some decided to let him throw all fits outside so people can see that I'm not touching him. Well. . . It seemed like a good idea until he said, "You're just making me go for a walk so you can poison me when we get back. " I'm sure the neighbors hid their children at that point.

  5. 1st paragraph - welcome to my world. - LOL that this is your listicle post. I was waiting for you to get to things you noticed about the people in Target who were staring at you.

  6. Chris HyeThymeCafe12:14 PM

    The cards made me think of my Dad (RIP) and laugh at the time he went to mail me a Christmas card, realized he hadn't signed it and had to re-open it to sign and tape shut (apology/explanation on the envelope). Problem was ... it was a BIRTHDAY card! If he didn't notice that when he first stuffed it in the envelope, you would think that might have caught his attention when he re-opened it to sign LOL.

  7. donofalltrades12:28 PM

    I think they keep the Asian dolls by the calculators and stuff so they're sure the kids will see them. Your shenanigans remind me of that Modern Family quote where one of the dads says "leave it to the gays to raise an underachieving Asian" or something like that. Lol.

  8. Bryan Jones1:00 PM

    I bet next time you'll go fishing with Steve in Wisconsin.

    The tantrum in a public place must be one of the most embarrassing situations for a parent. From what I recall I used to think that my paternal skills were being evaluated by everyone within a mile radius.

  9. I accept your excuse - a tantrum in Target trumps Listicles. Now I'm off to ready your top tweets!

  10. Asian Babies are hard to find. Targets also very their merchandise by demographic. So...if you live in a White neighborhood, you'll have one hell of a time finding an Asian baby. We have a hard time finding "cute" minority dolls. In general, they are ugly and scary looking. Not that I mind, since I hate dolls, but Ms Middle gets frustrated when they scare her.

  11. I am sorry but this was funny only because it took me back to the days when my eldest would throw tantrums in the stores and I can remember the looks I would get and they made me feel so terrible and I didn't have the problem that my child didn't look like me.................

  12. ha ha! You're right!

  13. It was. It was fun to be with my daughter, just the two of us. :-)

  14. Aww, that stinks, but I'm glad he's cool with the solo trips. Hopefully, she'll never have an "accident" on his clock.

  15. Man, I didn't even think about that! I could have totally done that and even made it funny. I thought about talking about the things I noticed about my husband when we first met, but I got to like #4 and couldn't come up with anything else. ha!

  16. Oh. My. Goodness. That's all I can say about that. And you're a saint.

  17. Cheryl Nicholl10:19 AM

    I've missed stopping by these last 10 days but have been feeling badly and just didn't have the strength- sort of like your weekend, but I'm so glad I did because this even though your weekend was frustrating it was a little funny. I love the Asian Barbies!!!

  18. Stephanie Sprenger1:10 PM

    That cracked me up! I especially loved your commentary on the fun mother-daughter time, especially all the gelato/frozen yogurt/out to eat/movie parts. Such a funny post for so many reasons, I lost count. And seriously, Target, get some Asian babydolls. For real.

  19. christine11:07 PM

    I almost got mad when you said you don't remember your kids having tantrums in public. I couldn't leave the house without our 4th throwing a tantrum or getting in a knock-down drag out with his brother. So.many.tantrums. But then I decided to be happy for you and your lucky self.
    My daughter once (when she was three) threw an amazing fit before we even got to the store. I took the kids back to the car, and tried valiantly to get the flailing monster buckled into her car seat. I finally got so mad, I just said, "forget it" and only did the top buckle. When I jumped out of the van to get into my seat, there was a crowd of people around my car, watching us. It was right after that woman was caught on tape beating her tantrum-throwing child in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and all strangers were on high alert for such things. I actually yelled to the gathered masses, "As much as I wanted to, I didn't touch her!"

  20. Imagining receiving a get well card for Father's Day just made me laugh. Deep breaths my friend...

  21. davromega8:57 AM

    I am lucky! My kids never tantrum for me! It is good to be all powerful in their eyes. All it ever takes for me to stop it before it really starts is a look or at most an "Excuse me" or a "Really". As for the greeting cards... I am just picturing a card saying, "We are sorry for the loss (of your mother" crossed out) ("of another year to the past" written in)!

  22. Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!


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