June 02, 2013

Did She Steal That Kid?

So my weekend was crazy because Steve took the boys up to Wisconsin to go fishing with his dad and I was left with Autumn. Sometimes I forget how much she and the boys play together, until they’re separated and she wants to play with me all day.

We played and we partied. We ate frozen yogurt and/or gelato three times, Autumn watched three movies, we went out to eat twice, we went to the mall twice in addition to five other stores, and we cleaned all three of our toilets.

We were able to fit all that in because we skipped church. I was planning to go, but then Autumn woke up late (because we were up past midnight partying) and I still hadn’t showered by then and I had to make homemade waffles, so we just couldn’t go.

While we were on our second trip to Target for the weekend, Autumn threw a tantrum. This was the first time I can remember any of my kids throwing a tantrum in a store. I’m sure it’s happened before, but it’s been so long, like five years, that I just can’t remember. Now, my boys just chase each other around our cart until they catch the other and tackle him to the ground, usually within arms-length of an elderly person leaning on a walker.

So you know when your kid is having a tantrum and everybody looks at you wondering if you stole the kid and the poor child is just trying to fight off this psycho serial killer? Well the tantrum situation is taken up a notch when your child looks absolutely nothing like you; I’m Caucasian, Autumn’s Asian.

I thought, How can I get this girl to calm down? People are gonna think I stole her. (I could see them looking at me in my peripheral vision.) I started pulling out the threats. “Do you want me to put back this Hello Kitty toothpaste? Hmm?” and “You want to look at the toys, right? We’re not gonna look at the toys if you keep screaming like that.” She calmed down for a few minutes then we approached another aisle and she began grabbing things off the shelves. I pulled her arms in and she screeched loudly. The threats worked that time.

We went to the toy section. She picked up My Little Pony, “Can we get this?” “No, we’re not buying any toys today.” I said. She picked up a Cinderella doll, “Can we get this?” No, we’re not buying any toys today.” This went on for at least 15 toys in four aisles.

Can I just say something on the side here? I was rather disappointed, albeit not surprised, that I did not find one single Asian baby doll while walking through the aisles. I may have missed a Mulan Princess thrown in for good measure, but if it was there, I never saw it. They had white babies with every color hair, black babies and Latino babies. But no Asian babies. Just sayin’, Target. Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

So after we looked at the dolls we went to the Skylanders section. Skylanders is a video game rated age 10+ for cartoon violence, but my kids are into it. According to Steve, the iPad version is more like SimCity and contains no violence.

I needed to get a gift for Josiah for his adoption day. He wanted this Skylanders portal-thingy or whatever. So I got that while Autumn looked at the figurines for the game and decided she wanted to get one. These adorably violent collectibles cost $10-15 each; they’re like jacked-up Beanie Babies.  She wanted it so she could be like her big brothers. For that, or to play with it in her dollhouse or push it around in her stroller. The one she wanted was a blue and white eagle with a giant machine gun that also acts as a vacuum to suck up all its prey. I said no, of course. Tantrum.

While she threw that tantrum, I remembered I needed to get birthday and Father’s Day cards. Crap. You know how long picking out cards takes.  So granddads and Steve, I apologize that you’ll be getting the first things I grabbed. When you get your Get Well Soon or Happy Anniversary card, consider it a sacrifice for the tantrum I was dealing with. We’ll at least sign them and change the words to fit the occasion.

We made it through the checkout line and out of the store and home, only after a trip to Trader Joe’s, for which she was surprisingly cooperative. The lollipop waiting for her at the register may have had something to do with that. Steve arrived home with the boys and the kids were happy to be back together again, playing and fighting. And all was right in the Hall house.

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